its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
My feet surprised me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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