whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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