is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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