Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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