I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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