I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
