Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i believe in u and ur pee
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
