I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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