I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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