Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
