Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I wear drunk well.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
