I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
