Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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