We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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