Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
