i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
