i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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