I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
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