there's paper in my vomit.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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