you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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