Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
