it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish you could order shots online.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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