Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
