I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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