I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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