Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
