The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
