Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
