Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
