we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
