I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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