Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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