I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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