we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
