Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
