I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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