I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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