Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
