as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
