Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
