You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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