her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
