I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
