12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
