Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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