Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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