im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
