I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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