The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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