the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
