Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
