He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
