I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
